Wordless Wednesday

First of all, I will never be entirely wordless - even on Wednesdays. My goal will be: to be LESS wordy on Wednesdays.

Although, this is just an excuse to post ridiculously adorable photos of my undeniably cute kids & family.

Today is Max's Wordless Wednesday...

Max enjoys putting on clothes which is funny for many reasons:

~His brother, James, likes taking off clothes and is usually naked. Max is usually picking up clothing that his brother has discarded.

~He does this even when he is already clothed, clothes on top of clothes! In the mornings, he wears James' pajamas over his own pajamas.

On this particular day...Max was obsessed with his brother's underwear (they were clean, BTW). He wore them over his PJ's for most of the day - backwards since he had done most of the "putting on" by himself.

Very proud of himself and his underwear!

When I got him dressed, he still wanted to wear the underwear. So, under his pants & over his diaper - he wore underwear.

When my husband got home from work & changed Max's diaper...daddy found an extra layer as a surprise. Yes, he gave me a strange look. My response...sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do and today Max HAD to wear underwear!

This is sweet sweet Max trying very hard to put his hot dog in his sippy cup...which is known at our house as "gook" (his cup of milk).

It may not have worked, but he sure looked cute trying it!

An Email from God...

Yesterday was very long and discouraging for me. I was feeling very overwhelmed. This time, I was not overwhelmed with housework, unfinished projects, my long "to do" list, or my kids needing all my attention...but much bigger things. I was struggling with what to do with my non-mommy time.

Basically:

what I want to do,

what I need to do,

what people are expecting me to do,

what God wants me to do

and most of all...how ALL of this effects my family and children.

AND do I have the energy to do all of this?

I am supposed to be making my life simpler, right?

I have an overwhelming ache for NOT letting anyone down and certainly not my Maker. I always want to be the best mother, wife, church member, family member, friend, etc. I am confused with how to do all of this and still be the authentic "real" me...without being selfish.

So, as I have resolved to do (in order to train myself to be a more faithful follower of Jesus), I got out my devotion book and turned to His word for direction.

It went something like this:

"The entrance of Your words gives light; It gives understanding to the simple." Psalm 119:130

As long as we are humans in human conditions, we'll have questions. You can count on that! A few of our questions will have easy answers. Others will be difficult, taking time to work out. Some will demand processing with counselors, friends and God before the answer will come. And some will never be solved this side of heaven. We are not meant to know what to do. We simply have to trust the one who is the keeper of our hearts.

Hmmm...okay, i am really trying. I have prayed, processed and all but begged God to show me the path He wants me to take. I am a worrier and over-thinker. I can't handle subtle hints....I need a HUGE BILLBOARD that says: "Kim, God wants you to..." Oh, or maybe an email from God. That would be nice and specific.

In previous situations...I have yet to get an email or see a billboard just for me. So, I continue to struggle with hearing God's voice vs. making up my own voice in my head, selfishly choosing what I want. I want to do the right thing and I certainly want to be the follower I He expects to be.

Yesterday, my facebook status was: "not sure what I am waiting for".

I know am waiting for answers to some really tough decisions, guidance and a correct path for my life, but in what form will I receive my answers? What should I be looking for?

So yesterday, I drug sluggishly around my house with extremely heavy shoulders and an achy heart (basically, I was just in a bad mood).

Today, I began with prayer. Praying specifically for 1) guidance in a relationship that is causing me pain, 2) direction for my new photography business, 3) direction for my giving of myself to my church, and 4) as always, that I continue to be a better mother and wife.

Today, when I venture out to get my boys' hair cuts...I am going to take time to notice God's wonders that I can SEE and HEAR...like nature and it's beauty (the sun is actually coming out and there is a little bit of snow still on the ground) AND my kids' sweet laugh (and probably not so sweet cry). I will TRY to focus on being thankful for all of my many blessings instead of focusing on the things I don't have...like a billboard or email from God, a book filled with all of the answers to life's tough questions, a truck full of financial certainty, a recipe for having, being, doing it all perfectly.

I don't ask for much, right?

You Just Have to Laugh...

Seriously, I am laughing right now...

Since writing the last post about being somewhere alone and quiet, my kids have gotten up from their naps (well Sam doesn't really nap and James never went to sleep - he kept coming downstair to go potty - yeah right!) Only Max slept peacefully, thank goodness.

Ahhhh the irony of complaining about silence...I am now in the midst of 2 kids playing Leapster video games with the volume on full blast. I asked them to turn them down and actually turned James down myself, which sent him into a SCREAMING fit. There is a Cars race track on the floor running with no one playing it. It's makes a constant zzzZZZZzzzZZZZzzzzZZZ noise. Max is playing with his new barnyard animals Vtech toy that, of course, makes obnoxious animal sounds. He screams "ma ma, ma ma" pointing for me to look at the lights on the toy. Oh wait, now 2 boys are arguing over the Leapster video games. And, as always, the TV is on!

What can I say... a mother's true bliss! NOISE!!!!!!

Sometimes, you just gotta laugh!

Road Trip

In an effort to be still...

I did something that I ordinarily wouldn't...I went on a road trip completely alone. Granted I was not actually "still" but I WAS in the quiet and silence quite a bit. You see, even before I had a chaotic life with LOUD sounds of boys running and screaming at each other and playing with LOUD toys that constantly make noise...I hat

ed the quiet. During my single days I lived alone and hated the silence even then...which led to my obsession with television (which is a whole other story). So however chaotic my life may seem...it was very easy to adapt to the noise!

As I got in my car and set my GPS to guide me on my way on a 4-hour journey to Tennessee, I realized the harsh truth...I was the only one in the car and I was going to be totally alone in the car for the next 4 hours! I had a small panic attack and began dialing on my cell phone everyone and anyone who would talk to me. That got me through the first hour. Now wha

t? Really, this was very difficult for me! Not peaceful and not calming at all - as it should be. So I cranked up my ipod with some Sugarland and then Taylor Swift and found myself dancing like crazy! Other travelers on the highway were grinning at me! I cracked myself up. But I actually began to enjoy being alone...did I really just say that? The last half hour of the trip I changed the music to Third Day, Big Daddy Weave, Casting Crowns & Jenn Johnson...praising God for what I was about to do...

Yet something else out of the ordinary for me...the reason for this road trip. I was attending a photographers conference ALL BY MYSELF. Funny, my friends kept encouraging me..."You are a big girl and you can do this." LOL, considering I will be 36 years old on Friday of this week! I stayed in a hotel room by myself. I went to classes by myself. I even made some new friends, all by myself.

Normally, I don't like big crowds and new adventures that lead me OUT of my comfort zone. However, after the BIG pep-talk I gave myself on the drive up...I embraced this new experience. I actually went out of my way to speak to people before they spoke to me. I didn't retreat or hide during open discussion segments of the classes. Once, I even raised my hand to answer a question and came to the front of the class to participate in a demonstration. Anyone who knows me....knows THIS IS NOT LIKE ME. None of this was easy for me. The crowds were BIG, the Convention Center was HUGE and it was filled with some amazing and intimidating photographers...BUT I DID IT! (can you tell I am proud of myself?)

The main reason for embracing the situation that I had walked into was simple...I was following my dream. I was following my passion for the love of photography even if it was OUT of my comfort zone. And I did it. It was an amazing experience and such a blessing to be a part of. I learned so much about myself and my new business (Kim Rahn Photography) and I can't wait to apply it to MANY parts of my life.

I continuously praised God for the trip and for allowing me to experience all of it. I know that God will continue to bless my talent and new business, the way He already has.

Guess what, maybe I am a grown-up and just maybe I am a "big girl". Okay, maybe just a work-in-progress!