Seven years & just 4 months ago, I met the love of my life.
I met {my soon to be husband} in October.
We became friends in November.
We had our first date on December 10, 2002.
We decided we were in love just a few weeks later and on New Year's Eve we planned to spend the rest of our lives together.
We became engaged in January.
And then...
We got married the very next month.
We dated for just 2 months and 12 days before we tied the knot.
This was my ready made family. The 3 of us! Tyler {his son from a previous marriage} was just 7 then. He was his daddy's best man!
Seven years & 3 more children {boys} later...
He has given me all that I dreamed of...I wanted to have a family and to be a mother and to be happy, to love and to be loved...and he has given me ALL that.
Don't get me wrong...our marriage hasn't been perfect. It takes work.
But, he gets me.
He gets me & loves me anyway. He puts up with my craziness.
I put up with his craziness & even like some of it.
He is so predictable & gets irritated with me when I can guess his next move.
I know him. And I know him well. I like that.
He is so slow...slow as Christmas & he snores so unbelievably loud.
He is so funny and makes me laugh all the time.
He gets on my last nerve with his jokes when I don't feel like laughing.
He likes hanging out with me & I like hanging out with him.
We have such a good time just being around each other.
He is my best friend. I get lonely when he is not around. I get lonely when we are upset with each other & distant.
I miss him when he is gone & travels for work.
He takes good care of me...he lets me stick my cold feet up close to him at night to keep them warm. Oh, and he loves his boys. He loves his family. And we love him.
AND, he has yet to trade me in for being the worst housewife on earth!
I think am going to keep him around.
He is the love of my life and look forward to the next 7 years.
Happy 7th Anniversary, babe! I love you forever & I like you for always! P.S. {I would like to have just one more...a girl this time, please & thank you.}
my giver of knowledge, my giver of humor, my silent world of reality, giveaways, stories of joy & sorrow, and of course, my photog tutorials.
I have missed you, so!
I have missed all the photos. I have missed all the recipes. I missed the "not me Mondays", "music Mondays", "5 question Fridays", and my favorite, "wordless Wednesdays". Did I mention the give aways?
But, I have especially missed all the women that I {stalk} stay connected with via my laptop.
Oh my blog world...now I must devoted hours to catch up...to reconnect.
I didn't realize how lost I was without you.
Gotta run. Hubby is peaking over my shoulder and I DON'T want to have to explain this post! :)
I fell of the wagon...the blog wagon...diet wagon...organization wagon...all of it! I lost control big time! I haven't been doing my morning devotions (I was just too busy, yeah right!). I haven't been grocery shopping. Therefore we have been eating out alot. Hubby has been home, too, due to some vacation time and the weather (got snowed in a few days). Seems like when he is home...laziness sets in. (sorry babe, but it's true!) Kids had a winter break from school, too. We are way off schedule. Completely out of control!
Good news is, I am back on track!
Lots has gone on in the past 2 weeks (of no blogging).
Lots to blog about over the next few days...
In fact, as a fellow blogger once said " It is so therapeutic for me, to just share, vent, whine, rejoice, ramble." I ditto that!
I am currently at my office (the local bagel shop) while my hubby is spending some time with his boys. I am hoping to use the next couple of hours to rejuvenate myself. The goal is also to get OUTSIDE today...the temp. is supposed to get up to 60 degrees. Hard to believe it actually snowed over 4 inches just last week. If I actually get my behind on the track for a quick walk - I will be shocked, but that is the goal!
I know it is shocking, but I am NO wonder woman. Instead, I find myself to be...well...sometimes on the emotional, slightly crazy side. My hubby would SOOOOO agree with that! (and I think that makes me ill & even more emotional)
Yesterday I stressed...over too much to do and not enough time. Yes, I know, this is a typical complaint of most mothers. Nothing new. I have had that same breakdown many times before.
One would think, upon "starting over" a new day, that I would wake up...full blast...gung ho...hopping to it...getting stuff done.
But, nooooooooo!!!!
I did NOTHING today.
I took the day to be lazy and did NOT feel guilty about it.
First of all, it is NOT like me to NOT feel guilty. I am always finding something to feel guilty about (like I mentioned yesterday).
Second, as for the day...I stayed in my pj's & my boys did too. We snuggled in bed and watched Dora most of the morning. We ate breakfast (brunch) around 10am. Then I played with the boys a bit...we tickled...we played chase...WE laughed (even me!) I sat around and knitted a little while the boys played some more. Then during naptime, I laid down with James and snuggled some more. I even almost dosed off - he never did off course, with me around.
To think I was hoping for a "new day" to get more "stuff" done...NOPE...I was hoping for a day like today.
Hubby even came home to a mommy in a great mood - in my pj's, hair in pony tail, no make-up (hmmm, I think I brushed my teeth today) - but in a great mood!
Although, I am sure I will wake up tomorrow and remember that I am supposed to be stressed out & rushing around trying to get a massive amount of responsible/grown-up things accomplished in a small amount of time. I will definitely panic because I did nothing today...ughhhhhhh!!!!
I don't know...can't explain it!!!!! Slightly emotional and on the crazy side!!!
for the rain that is quenching the thirst of grass and preparing the ground for the beauty of Spring to come, for my husband's job that provides abundantly for our family, for my family and friends who know me and love me anyway, for my boys and the lessons you teach me daily through them, for my home that protects us from the cold and rain and provides us with comfort and warmth, for new days and the blessings each one brings.
This is not a fun blog post - but very real and honest. This is what I have heard is called "Bold Blogging" - telling the ugly truth.
Right now, I am sitting completely still (well, my fingers are typing of course). My dad has my little guys for his weekly Thursday play date with his favorite little playmates. So, I decided to hit up the local bagel place for an hour of peace & quiet before heading to Sam's school to volunteer my mommy services of cutting & coloring for his kindergarten teacher.
I sat here long enough (oh, about 20 minutes or so) to eat my brunch, listen to a few songs on my ipod, catch up on some emails & blogs....and then I got thinking.
I was already feeling a little blah (not really blue, just blah) since it is yucky & rainy outside.
But, now my mood is...well...rapidly moving toward grumpy & ill. I have sat here long enough (now about 25 minutes) to realize that I am overwhelmed, tired, excited about good things happening in my life, frustrated because I don't have enough hours in the day to get it all done.
I hate it when I set such high expectations on myself...I want to be the best at everything and I ALWAYS try to do too much to make that happen.
I have come to realize that I am really NOT a stay at home mom...I have 2 part-time jobs (children's ministry director at our church & photographer) & I just take my kids to work with me - which makes any job 10 times harder.
Myphotography businessis booming and I am so blessed to have so many open doors showing me that God is not only allowing me to use my talent, but wanting me to use my talent. Along with these open doors...I have so much I need to learn & do. Using photography to express my creativity is what I love and the challenges of trying new things excites me. BUT (there is always a BUT with me - ask my hubby) I NEVER take baby steps...I jump in with both feet and then have to backtrack to get all the info. For instance, I have a website in the works...using an awesome company/template. Apparently I am not as smart as I thought I was since I am overwhelmed with downloading, photo sizes, backgrounds, logos, pixels, dpi, etc...I can't seem to get it right and it is very frustrating. Something that was supposed to be easy...is NOT! I am feeling VERY defeated by it. I hate it when I can't do something...hate it. I let it consume me until I can do it!!!! The more business I do, the more I hear "do you have a website?" My response, NO I DON'T HAVE A WEBSITE BECAUSE I AM AN IDIOT AND CAN'T MAKE IT WORK!
More good stuff - My "little" in-home studio is in the works. The big stuff is about half way done. I just have about 50 little things to do get it completed in, oh, about a week! Since I am supposed to photograph a newborn baby next week. Ugggghhhhh. Photographing the newborn is so exciting and I can't wait. Finding the time to get everything ready...not so much.
And I have so much stuff to do for my kids at church (not really MY kids). I am supposed to be planning out our entire year of events for the children's ministry program. Since that seemed overwhelming to me...I have put it off and put it off. Got to get that done, too!
Oh, and my boys, where does the time go? Meals. Naps. School. Carpool. Laundry. Dishes. "To Do" Lists. Kindergarten Homework (yes, Sam has homework everynight). Bedtime. And the day is over.
We don't do enough FUN stuff. They don't get the "happy" me. They get the responsible (overworked and stressed) me. I am NOT getting enough quality with my boys. And yes, I have some definite guilt about saying that while sitting in the bagel shop totally alone - without my boys.
I am NOT done with my pity party just yet...
Unfortunately, the people that love me the most, my hubby, my family & my real friends, get what is left of me, which most of the time is little to nothing! I go go go go go and do do do until I am pooped and don't have enough time for the people that matter the most.
So today, in the peace and quiet, in the rain and cold, I am a Debbie Downer. Just call me Negative Nellie (my middle name really is Nell - named after my grandmother, Nellie).
Today, I am feeling the need to beat myself up for not being good enough, not doing enough, not getting it all done perfectly and in a timely manner while proudly wearing an "S" on my chest.
I am smart enough to know that this is not entirely accurate. I know this is a typical "mommy struggle" and many mommies feel this way. So, today, I am praying for strength, guidance, energy, and the stillness to listen.
I want to be the best me...today is just not that day.
I will try again tomorrow. I am so thankful for new days...to try again! Everyday is a second chance to get it right. I have to admit though, Dear God, it would help if the sun came out tomorrow. Please and thank you!
"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me", right?
To lighten things us a bit...
This is how I'm feeling! Today, I am just getting by...I don't know a thing!
Oh, I need a pick-me-up today! It is Monday and I am moving s.l.o.w.l.y. So, Music on Mondays makes me happy - I like sharing some of my favorite music.
Today's song, "I Will Be the One Who Loves You the Most" by Brett Dennen is soooooo sweet. It is dedicated to all my friends...my boys...my hubby...my family! I love you ALL!!!
Now, go grab your baby (of any age - even hubby's can count) & hold them tight, snuggle & sway to this tune! Enjoy!!!
We dated for just 2 months and 12 days before we tied the knot.
This was my ready made family. The 3 of us! Tyler {his son from a previous marriage} was just 7 then. He was his daddy's best man!
